talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
