He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Randomize
