I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Let's paint friendship bongs
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
