Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
