I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
