I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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