Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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