Betty ford says i'm here all night
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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