i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
