had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
