I think my fart just growled at me.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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