actually, I'm a sock model
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
