I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Randomize
