Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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