He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
