I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
