I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
