he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
