Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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