I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
either way he was missing a nipple.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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