I feel like I'm in dance class right now
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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