Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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