Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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