I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
