If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
ok first of all what the fuck
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
