And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
