Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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