All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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