I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
