WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
