Please, let me fuck your mom
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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