No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Apparently you make a good broom.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
