8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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