my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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