i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
