I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
