im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
