who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
