I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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