Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
