My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
