And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
