someone owes me an orgasm
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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