...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
