Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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