It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
