I accidentally burped into my bong.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
