He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
you made out with another girl for some wings
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
