Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
