My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
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The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
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he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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