weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
