Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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