worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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