you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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