do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
