got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
