All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
