Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
