If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
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Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
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So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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