She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
