What a fucking waste of an outfit
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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