I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
