I skipped work to stalk him.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
